The panic starts early - we are to depart Romania through the Tulcea container port on a Saturday morning - it is not the usual way for travellers depart Romania - "you must be at the customs office at 7:15!" - "you must not be late!" - the bus arrives on time - the first concern dissipates!.
We expect that Mihai the bearded would have left us to our own devices but he is there to sheppard us onto the bus - once he has herded the cats he joins the bus and proceeds to hand out packed lunches - "you are still my responsibility!" says he" - whilst he is a stand-up comic, the reality is that he is a guide of some considerable diligence and expertise .
We reach the customs hall at the port - it is quiet - very quiet - Mihai hands us over to another guide to take us through customs and across the border - he introduces himself - "I know you" says he - "I saw here and I saw you there while you were in Tulcea!" - so much for our assumed anonymity!
Mihai the bearded is farewell by all - he is handed cards - he is handed addresses - he is handed email addresses - "you must visit!" - "I have a lovely daughter!" - "we have great places that you can stay!"
The travellers are nervous - passport control is courteous but slow - a learner and a supervisor - Pam worries - "you have been in the country for more than 180 days" says the official - he has been unable to find the stamp indicating her latest arrival into Romania - the supervisor is called - the matter resolved!
The last of the travellers is processed - we are guided out to our speedboats - the cases? - man-handled - the passengers? - treated more gently! - the atmosphere? - exciting.
We are off along the Danube and into "no-man's land" - we close our eyes - we find it easy to imagine ourselves as James Bond - we speed past huge bauxite barges - we speed past tanker - we speed past wooded banks of the mighty Danube - we imagine the Aston Martin DB9 that surely must be awaiting our arrival in Izmail!
The Speedboat driver engages Chris - "why are you going to Ukraine" says he - "to see the Opera" says Chris! - he gives Chris a puzzled look! - clearly the people he has conveyed to the Ukraine were not going there to see the Opera!
30 minutes of playing James Bond along the Danube and we reach the port of Izmail - quiet - the huge terminal receival area closed - the area neat - tidy - two customs officers wait for us at a umbrella covered table.
Passports and visas are handed over - the slow speed processing begins - slow - slow - methodical - papers examined - details checked - papers passed between one and the other - questions passed between one and the other - phone calls made - the process goes on and on.
Pam worries - she looks at her details - a mistake! - the last numbers of her passport have been interchanged - oh dear! - oh dear! - we watch the activities of the Border Force pair with renewed interest - they make more phone calls - they return to the same passport over and over - they make more phone calls - finally one of them rises from the table and struts off with a single passport and visa in hand - Pam believes her worse fears have been realised!
An anxious wait - eventually the officer returns with her superior - we brace for the worst - the superior sits down at the table with her officers - suddenly stamps are thumping down on visas and passports - we are free to go - the guide is consulted - "what was that all about?" - "Lyn had a discrepancy between birth date on visa and birth date on passport that they have chosen to overlook" - Pam looks relieved!
We talk to the guide sent from Odessa to escort us there - he is a stand in! - he tells us he is a real estate agent-come-guide - "I sell apartments to foreign men to house their second wives in Odessa" says he - he sports a belly of rather extraordinary proportions and speaks good English with a moderate Russian accent but he has an air about him that makes me think that he may well supply, not only the apartment, but the second wife as well!
We are all relieved! - we are through customs - suddenly Knud is shepherding us - "let's get going while the going is
good" says he – we are of towards Odessa
Through Izmail – "it is a city" says fat-bellied Eugene - more than 2 schools and a hospital
make it a city with it’s own council!
As we pass through Izmail we traverse rough concrete paved roads through precincts that are unkempt in comparison to Tulcea - we note the yellow overhead gas pipes that serve to sustain the community through the bleak winters.
Out of Izmail - the road improves - Fat-bellied Eugene tells us that the road to Odessa has been improved in the last six months - "travel time has been cut in half" says he.
As we progress we see concrete poles with white painted bases - white painted tree bases - shepherds with sheep and goats - tree lined single carriageway roads - boom gates and rail crossings - vineyards - cropping country - cropping country and more cropping country - wheat and sunflower racing towards maturity.
We pass through poor villages - Eugene is his pessimistic self - these are not his people - there is no work here - homes are abandoned unable to attract a buyer - "these are poor people - they are the peasant class - they are stupid" says he - "they give a tithing to the church" - says he - "they erect signs on the road into their village to warn away evil spirits - they are stupid - don't they know the evil spirits can come through the fields!
As we progress the cropping areas get larger and are supplemented by some grazing areas - the lands become a little more undulating and there is some irrigation - save for the occasional rail crossing the roads is good and progress towards Odessa is rapid.
30k from Odessa the road is lined with red poppies and there is a large reservoir on the horizon - we turn off the main road - the road quality deteriorates - we pass through villages with yellow gas pipes indicating that they have appropriate winter heating without have to collect wood all summer - we pass through poorer villages without the yellow gas pipes - poor buggers! - schools closed for 3 months in winter - "minus 25 degrees" says Eugene - "there has been a big move to the city since the end of the Soviet Union" says Eugene.
Eugene talks about the villages - "religious" says he - "the priests were KGB spies" says he - "still are!" says he.
The road has been good - we are ahead of schedule - the Shabo Winery cannot yet receive us - we divert to a Turkish fort from the 1400's - Bernie and I reminisce about Sulleman - his advisers - his wife - his harem - the Pope and the Venetians
It is Children's day in the Ukraine - 1st Saturday of Summer! - the Fort is full of free activities for the less senior of the Ukrainian population - fairy floss - kick boxing competitions for the youngest of the male population - martial arts demonstrations by some of the more senior - market stalls - ice creams
Sam sits in the watch tower high above the proceedings - she watches with amusement as Brian wanders looking for her - she engages with a Ukrainian local - 10 year old with iPad and google translate - '"where are you from" - "Australia!" - the show and tell on Monday is sure to feather the blond hared Australian! tourist.
We meet back at the bus with the "Big Bellied" guide - Eugene - he has attracted my dislike already – there is nothing that is good about Ukraine - every statement is pessimistic - talks constantly of American tourists - he displays none of the optimism
of his Romania peers.
The sun has been informed that this is the 1st June and that it is now official summer time - it responds with enthusiasm! - the tightly packed bus full of travelers many of whom are grateful for the absence of excess commentary from Eugene , have allowed their eyes to close and their heads to bounce upon their chests.
We arrive at the Shabo Winery - extraordinary - a show winery of extraordinary size and detail - a production winery of huge size - 250 million bottles per year - we undertake a winery tour and tasting - we front to the ticket counter - we pay the entry fee for the group - we walk away from the window - Eugene makes one of his typical contribution to the day - "she would need to do the tour naked for that price!" says he - the travellers privy to his comment cringe!
We hide from the heat at every opportunity as we follow the English speaking but heavily - heavily - Russian accented tour guide - pristine grounds! - impressive buildings! - spotless stainless steel tanks! - normally purely utilitarian pipe work covered in the shiny stainless steel sheaths - work and storage areas exposed through modern full height glass walls - art displays - winery museums - movie theaters to display the wine making process - to display the fours seasons of grape production - stair hand rails crafted from shiny chrome plated steel.
A wine tasting - acceptable wines - wines of sufficient quality to allow a marketer to effectively dispose of the output at a price acceptable to Georgian oligarch who is the principal owner of the establishment - into the winery shop designed to extract additional income from the travellers - they oblige! - desert wine - ice wine!
As the tour progresses the opulence of the operation increases - the travellers muse - they discuss - one who shall remain nameless summarizes the collective view - "you wash clothes in a washing machine - you wash money in a Ukrainian Winery!"
The travellers are tired - back in the bus - 90 minutes to Odessa.
Odessa on approach looks a little tired - lots of modern cars but plenty of Lada of less than modern vintage - Eugene recommences his commentary - largest fabric market in the world says he - employs 60,000 people in a huge collection of independent stores - he sounds proud - then he regresses - "lot of it is Chinese" says he - he cannot resist knocking his homeland - 7 kilometres from Odessa.
We pass through the inner suburbs of Odessa - "was a famous neighbourhood" says he - "in books" says he "criminals " says he - one leader combined 102 different gangs into one single criminal organisation with 35,000 members - "cleaned up now" says he but do not come at night!
Approach the hotel - "do not get drunk in Odessa" says he " the police might rob you" - "wonderful market down there but watch your pockets" says he - "that is the headquarters of the KGB" says he - "same people" - "different name" says he
We arrive at the hotel - it is nice - the rooms large - the facilities appropriate.
Knud, Erika and I head for an ATM with Eugene - he points out strip clubs - he tells us how to buy drugs - he points out more strip clubs - Erika pulls him up! - how out of touch with reality is this fellow? - we reach an ATM - a wad of money is transferred and the fat bellied pessimist is sent on his way.
We find a restaurant with a single delightful Crimean menu - lamb kebab with black eyed peas - delightful beer - lovey waitresses - she pulls out "google translate" to dissolve the language barrier - "simple - thank you!" - the waitresses? - stylish tall females - our fellow diners? - girls on a girls night out! - families! - we arrive back at the hotel - we are unsure about Odessa - there has been little that we have seen on our entrance to the city and little that we have heard from Eugene that has given us any reason to be anything other than pessimistic!
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